By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I recently had to have a CAT scan because my doctor thought I might have kidney stones. Now those are two words that don’t belong together – kidney and stones. One is supposed to be inside your body and the other lying around in the yard somewhere. What’s next, liver trees? Duodenal birdbaths? I knew from watching Gray’s Anatomy and Scrubs that CAT scans don’t involve cats (a shame if you ask me; what medical procedure wouldn’t be improved if you could hold a purring feline on your lap? Or have one dig his claws into the doctor?)... Read More

Just the Flax By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert On the advice of Dr. Oz and this guy I sat next to at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I’ve started adding flax and chia seeds to everything I eat. They’re both tasty when sprinkled on cereal and baked into cookies (mmmh, cookies), but I have to say it’s hard to get the seeds to adhere to carrot sticks unless I slather them with cream cheese or peanut butter first. I’m sure that’s heart-healthy, right? Besides, as far as I know, no one’s made flax butter yet. One thing no one warned me about was that these tiny... Read More

Don’t Sleep on It By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert Driving back home from a trip to Portland, Oregon, I saw a full-size travel trailer painted flame red with the black silhouettes of three obviously young naked women on the side. In fact, they appeared to be naked and living on a planet with little or no gravity. I immediately thought that strip clubs had gone mobile. Yes, it would probably be difficult to stay on the pole as the trailer careens around curves or comes to an abrupt stop, but I’m sure men would pay extra to watch that. If you think talking on cell phones... Read More

Bouncy Bouncy By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I bought a mini-trampoline this weekend. I was looking for a piece of home fitness equipment that met one specific requirement – it had to fit into a 3-foot square area of my bedroom. All those infomercials that promise muscle toning, core-strengthening, and cardio training neglect to answer the most important question: Will the device fit in your house? Or will you have to remove a major piece of furniture such as the sofa, requiring your guests to perch along the edge of the AbFlexGlideRowArator whenever they come over... Read More

Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert The fireworks stands are up now and I can’t wait… to strangle somebody. For the past week, we’ve had fireworks going off at the schoolyard down the street and it’s only the middle of June. If this doesn’t stop, I’m going to have to put on my bathrobe, put my hair in curlers, light a cigarette, and go scare me some young men. And you know I’m serious if I’m willing to let a cigarette touch my lips! Yes, all the other boys are blowing their fingers off too, but that’s no reason... Read More

I’m No Cougar By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I was innocently watching something on TV the other night when an ad for a dating site popped up. It was called OlderWomenWithoutBoundaries.com or something like that. Naturally, I had to run to the computer to check it out — not because I am one (a cougar), mind you, but because I needed good laugh. I found there are actually several dating sites for cougars (none for pumas, panthers or housecats, however). I logged onto CougarLife.com because it said it was #1 in cougar dating; it was rated four claws. Across the... Read More

I\’m Pro-Aging By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert Anyone who watches any television at all must believe that most women over 30 spend 95% of their time trying to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and lengthen and restore their eyelashes. If I see 20-year-olds hawking anti-aging creams or that model with the shiny eyelashes long enough to get caught in her earrings one more time, I may just have to get Botox to rid myself of the semi-permanent scowl these commercials have caused. We\’re all a little vain — I DID comb my hair before leaving... Read More

In Praise of Granny Panties By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I took a friend lingerie shopping recently. She\’s been married for two years now and it\’s time for her to switch to comfortable undies. Let\’s be truthful here – if you\’re still wearing thong panties, you\’re probably still dating. I have six pairs of thongs. I use them to stake up my tomatoes in summer. In the winter, I make little hammocks for my hamsters. Eventually there comes a time in every woman\’s life when the words “Granny Panties” no longer strike... Read More

Stylin’ By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I got my hair cut last week. It used to be so easy to do — I’d pick out a hairstyle from a magazine, rip out the page, and take it with me to the hairdresser. Then we’d both laugh and laugh at the idea that my hair might actually do something “stylish.” On occasion, I showed up with pages from DogFancy magazine, but that was mostly during my poodle cut years. When you’re a woman of a certain age, getting your hair cut requires deep introspection and a review of societal expectations. If I keep my hair longish, for... Read More

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Boomer Women By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert During 2012, I resolve to: 10. Stop denying I dye my hair. No one believes me anyway and all that extra stress just turns more of it gray, which requires more frequent dying followed by more frequent lying … It’s a vicious circle. 9. Run screaming every time I see a pair of 4, 5, or 6-inch stiletto heels in a store window. These are not shoes; these are implements of destruction. I need to remember that whatever I might pay the store clerk for the shoes, I’ll pay triple to my chiropractor. 8.... Read More