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Why Math is An Aging Woman’s Friend

October 26th, 2015

By Leigh Anne Jasheway, NABBW’s Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll be 59 next month and it’s got me thinking about math. That’s right, MATH, that subject near and dear to the hearts of so many… nerdy girls like me. My knowledge of math lets me honestly tell people I’m only 32. This statement is absolutely true when I calculate my age in base 19 instead of base 10. Using the same system, I also still weigh in at my birth weight. Booyah! Prime numbers aren’t the only way math pays off – geometry is also helpful. For example, I also know that my knees hurt if I sit like an isosceles... Read More

Invading My Space

August 4th, 2015

By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll admit that I’m lousy at setting boundaries. Words come out of my mouth that in my mind make my desires or lack thereof clear, but what other people seem to hear is, “What you need to do is wheedle, and manipulate, and pressure me into changing my mind.” And by other people, I mean mostly male people. Wish-washy boundaries are why I ended up married to my last ex-husband, a man who proposed to me while he was in the bathtub! He could leave a ring around the tub, but I couldn’t draw a line in the sand. How sad is that? My... Read More

Just the Flax

November 19th, 2012

Just the Flax By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert On the advice of Dr. Oz and this guy I sat next to at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I’ve started adding flax and chia seeds to everything I eat. They’re both tasty when sprinkled on cereal and baked into cookies (mmmh, cookies), but I have to say it’s hard to get the seeds to adhere to carrot sticks unless I slather them with cream cheese or peanut butter first. I’m sure that’s heart-healthy, right? Besides, as far as I know, no one’s made flax butter yet. One thing no one warned me about was that these tiny... Read More

Don’t Sleep on It

September 15th, 2012

Don’t Sleep on It By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert Driving back home from a trip to Portland, Oregon, I saw a full-size travel trailer painted flame red with the black silhouettes of three obviously young naked women on the side. In fact, they appeared to be naked and living on a planet with little or no gravity. I immediately thought that strip clubs had gone mobile. Yes, it would probably be difficult to stay on the pole as the trailer careens around curves or comes to an abrupt stop, but I’m sure men would pay extra to watch that. If you think talking on cell phones... Read More

Bouncy Bouncy

July 29th, 2012

Bouncy Bouncy By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I bought a mini-trampoline this weekend. I was looking for a piece of home fitness equipment that met one specific requirement – it had to fit into a 3-foot square area of my bedroom. All those infomercials that promise muscle toning, core-strengthening, and cardio training neglect to answer the most important question: Will the device fit in your house? Or will you have to remove a major piece of furniture such as the sofa, requiring your guests to perch along the edge of the AbFlexGlideRowArator whenever they come over... Read More

Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night

July 3rd, 2012

Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert The fireworks stands are up now and I can’t wait… to strangle somebody. For the past week, we’ve had fireworks going off at the schoolyard down the street and it’s only the middle of June. If this doesn’t stop, I’m going to have to put on my bathrobe, put my hair in curlers, light a cigarette, and go scare me some young men. And you know I’m serious if I’m willing to let a cigarette touch my lips! Yes, all the other boys are blowing their fingers off too, but that’s no reason... Read More

I’m No Cougar

June 4th, 2012

I’m No Cougar By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I was innocently watching something on TV the other night when an ad for a dating site popped up. It was called OlderWomenWithoutBoundaries.com or something like that. Naturally, I had to run to the computer to check it out — not because I am one (a cougar), mind you, but because I needed good laugh. I found there are actually several dating sites for cougars (none for pumas, panthers or housecats, however). I logged onto CougarLife.com because it said it was #1 in cougar dating; it was rated four claws. Across the... Read More

I’m Pro-Aging

April 18th, 2012

I\’m Pro-Aging By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert Anyone who watches any television at all must believe that most women over 30 spend 95% of their time trying to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and lengthen and restore their eyelashes. If I see 20-year-olds hawking anti-aging creams or that model with the shiny eyelashes long enough to get caught in her earrings one more time, I may just have to get Botox to rid myself of the semi-permanent scowl these commercials have caused. We\’re all a little vain — I DID comb my hair before leaving... Read More

In Praise of Granny Panties

March 15th, 2012

In Praise of Granny Panties By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I took a friend lingerie shopping recently. She\’s been married for two years now and it\’s time for her to switch to comfortable undies. Let\’s be truthful here – if you\’re still wearing thong panties, you\’re probably still dating. I have six pairs of thongs. I use them to stake up my tomatoes in summer. In the winter, I make little hammocks for my hamsters. Eventually there comes a time in every woman\’s life when the words “Granny Panties” no longer strike... Read More

Stylin’

January 31st, 2012

Stylin’ By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I got my hair cut last week. It used to be so easy to do — I’d pick out a hairstyle from a magazine, rip out the page, and take it with me to the hairdresser. Then we’d both laugh and laugh at the idea that my hair might actually do something “stylish.” On occasion, I showed up with pages from DogFancy magazine, but that was mostly during my poodle cut years. When you’re a woman of a certain age, getting your hair cut requires deep introspection and a review of societal expectations. If I keep my hair longish, for... Read More