When you were growing up what did you learn about how you were supposed to think about and treat people who were different from you and your family? What did your family say? How about your friends? Neighbors? What were the messages you received either openly or by suggestion? You may not have an answer right off, because this is not a question that gets asked very often. But think about it. It holds the key to better relationships in every area of your life. We\’ve asked thousands of men and women in the U.S. and overseas. They\’ve all admitted that what they learned, some more intensely... Read More

Winter\’s come and gone. And now, how does your garden grow? No doubt it\’s survived some difficult times during these past months, and yet it\’s still there waiting for you to grab some seeds, a bag of mulch, the trowel and your flowered gloves so you can get busy transforming it into this year\’s special garden. If you think about it, that\’s not unlike how romantic relationships progress. They, too, go through challenging weather conditions followed by new times of growth and expansion. So while, at this time, the grounds surrounding your home may be calling... Read More

When you are open to real romance as an every day part of your love life, often, what seems to be insignificant on first blush, takes on powerful meaning for both of you. Imagine it\’s early morning, and you have time to snuggle and cuddle with the one you love. (We write this from the point of view of a man, but it applies both ways.) Your lover rolls over and places her head on your shoulder and drapes her leg across yours. It\’s delicious! But you know she can\’t stay there very long, no matter how much she might want to, because the she will shortly become uncomfortable. Your... Read More

Nearly everyone does battle with that pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters away in our heads. And, in response to a recent teleseminar we gave titled “The Fear of Being Fabulous” we received a request from a participant who said: “I would love to hear how you remove the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far and then I\’m stopped by my head talk.” Here\’s our answer . . . First, you\’ll know it\’s Head-Talk by the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and self-esteem can end up in the... Read More

The celebration of the New Year is the oldest of all continuing holidays. It was observed 4000 years ago by the ancient Babylonians and has continued, with only minor interruptions, into modern times. Anything with a history that long and enduring clearly has deep significance for the human psyche. Perhaps it\’s simply a celebration of being alive, having made it through another circle of the sun. But for many of us there is also the recognition of death and rebirth, a letting go of what has been and surrendering to what is yet to be. Philosophers make the distinction between “being”—that... Read More

You\’re busy checking off the items on your to-do list. Most of the gifts have been wrapped. And the holiday cards made it to the post office this morning. Oh, but you forgot about your daughter\’s teacher! And what to take to the Smith\’s annual Christmas Eve get together? And then the cookies for the school carnival and you used the last of the sugar in yesterday\’s brownies for the church fund raiser. Then just at the same time that you are trying to figure out what to wear to the office party, what should occur? Your two tiny elves run into your bedroom loaded down... Read More

Long before we get to the table laden with turkey, cranberry sauce and over-sweet yams, we are face-to-face with the challenge of gratitude all month long. For most of the year we can duck and dodge the pressures of thankfulness, and most people do — openly admitting to having a terrible time accepting compliments, much less the larger implications of being truly loved. So the questions must be asked: Why do we have such a difficult and sometimes painful time receiving the blessings of other people\’s affection, admiration and sincere love? What is so powerful that it so often fiercely... Read More

Fundamental to understanding how relationships actually work, it’s essential to appreciate that two people are always co-creating their relationship — right from the moment they meet. They indicate what they like and what they don\’t, what they’ll put up with or not, how generous they are, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily, or not. They speak up for themselves or they don\’t, and they receive the caring coming their way or they can\’t. This two-way give-and-take goes on throughout the life of any relationship, either in the service of the love and romance two people... Read More

Fundamental to all life on the planet . . . is the fact that we’re all different from each other. And yet what do most people do when they encounter those differences? They either change themselves “to fit in” or they try to change the other person. Here’s why . . . When you want to change somebody, the truth is you are scared — under threat. You only want things to be the way you want them to be. You want control rather than connection. This is not to say that if someone is bothering you, you shouldn\’t ask for change. Of course you need to speak up and insist on better... Read More

Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance, and the insistence on the fantasy of romance — with the real thing taking the loss. Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your willingness to accept who you and your partner are — without deceit, without drama, without all of the false puffery so many of us put around our images of love, relationship and intimacy. Recovering from romantic... Read More