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Monday - November 23, 2020
 

Who\’s the REAL Turkey?

November 15th, 2007

What can I say about Thanksgiving that hasn\’t been said before? Do I mention the overeating, which I\’m pretty sure is a law somewhere, or at least a requirement at my family\’s table, or do I talk about family and the ties that gag-uh, I mean bind? How about I tell you how every single year my family plots behind my back via cell phones and late night conversations to have me NOT COOK. It plays out the same, identical scenario, year after year. They haven\’t caught on yet that I don\’t even WANT to cook. Hello? I show up, eat, do a few dishes, and leave. What\’s... Read More

I\’ve Been Thinking ?

October 14th, 2007

Daddy didn\’t care for TV. He used to call it the Boob Tube. Never did figure that one out. This week I found a little extra time to take in some BT and afterwards, I started thinking. I know, I know, you\’re saying to yourself, this is uncharted territory for da Queen, but I\’m here to tell you, I do give life a thought or two every now and then; seriously. Why I\’ve been known to contemplate the different meanings of life for five or ten minutes and I don\’t like to brag, but sometimes, this is all in one sitting! So given all of that, here are five questions that... Read More

Swimsuits ain\’t for Sissies Anymore ?

August 15th, 2007

Queenism: Step awayyyy from the swimsuit section. It\’ll make you cry. Forgetting this tidbit of knowledge, I went shopping for a swimsuit. How hard could it be? After all, I\’m a comfortable size 10, right? No need to answer that, it\’s one of those retro questions. Previously at the store, the “twenty-something” sales clerk had been somewhat helpful, or so I thought. She “sized” me up and down; inserting giggles here and there. I remember thinking, “poor thing” she\’s obviously inflicted with some sort of nervous disorder. All I did... Read More

The Sky is Falling!

July 12th, 2007

I have this friend who I call “Chicken Little.” She\’s always forecasting doom and gloom and that\’s not all. Chicken knows every “Old Wives Tale” ever told and follows her horoscope as if it were her life\’s blueprint. I\’ve suggested they rename Horoscopes to “Hormonal-scopes” for us boomer-age women because Menopause and wacky hormones determine what we allow to transpire in our daily lives, horoscope or not! “DON\’T TOUCH ME!” “GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN” “NO, I DON\’T WANT YOUR MOTHER COMING... Read More

Happy Mother\’s Day to Meeee!

May 14th, 2007

Before you say it, I\’m not one of those people who hang on to their grown children never cutting the apron strings. Not this independent gal. No sir-ree. As my sons moved out, first the oldest, then the youngest, I kept a stiff upper lip and only cried after I saw their tail-lights disappear down the road. I only called them on Sundays and Wednesdays and a few Saturday mornings around 7:00 am. That was it. I swear it. They cannot prove the other calls were mine. Hey, is it my fault they can\’t afford Caller ID? Once the nest was empty, I created my own life and carried on with only... Read More

Easy to Follow Instructions – Or, Learning to Curse in Any Language

April 15th, 2007

A friend recently gave me a sign that says, “The Queen is not accepting an audience today.” And today is one of those days. At least until my language improves. (Insert heavy-duty, royal sigh here) Have you ever bought a product that required “some light assembly” only to find that the manufacturer speaks with forked tongue? I want to date that guy because he obviously doesn\’t know “heavy” from “light.” Opening the box, you find an instruction sheet with pictures (thank the good Lord) but also inside is a bag of 1,002... Read More

In Search of the Perfect “Do”

March 13th, 2007

Recently I received a taping of a speech I gave in another state. I was mortified. I called Mother immediately and asked, “Could my hair have looked any worse?” She said, “Ah, well yes, there was that tim-” Why do people answer you when you ask these kinds of questions? I decided it was time to go in search of the perfect DO. Notice how “hip” I am with the lingo? I use to call it “hair-do,” but learned that noooobody says that anymore. It\’s called a DO. No, don\’t thank me, I enjoy passing on knowledge as I gain it. I do what I can. I... Read More

SWEET NOTHINGS

February 13th, 2007

I was reading a magazine article on Creativity that said, “Release the artist within.” I thought I have an artist within? I was captured. Knowing Valentine\’s Day was just around the corner, my gray cells starting working overtime. I didn\’t have a clue what to do, buy, or give my significant other. I really wanted to do something different, something creative; I wanted to…release the artist within. Coming up empty, I phoned my best friend to see what she does with her artistic insides. After explaining the article and asking for ideas, she responded... Read More

Friends Don\’t Let Friends Have Yard Sales

January 10th, 2007

It\’s been said the pain of child birth fades over time. And so it goes with having a yard sale. I forgot the pain. Did my friends remind me? Try to stop me? Negative. They probably took great joy in watching me sweat preparing for this sale, and witnessing my grief over parting with my jun-ah, treasures. Some of these friends went so far as to call me a pack rat. Me, a pack rat? I think not! And as soon as I find the phone, I\’m going to call and tell them, too. For a solid week I pulled from corner cabinets, closets, the attic, and even took things off shelves... Read More

I\’m Dreamin\’ of a Light Christmas!

December 11th, 2006

One of my closest and dearest friends told me something yesterday that gave me food for thought. She said this year they\’re having a “light” instead of “white” Christmas. In other words, less is more. I thought to myself, “Now there\’s a plan! This is a woman after my own, disorganized heart.” Then again, I had to admit that this same woman is one of the most organized people alive. She knows all of her children\’s names, birthdates, and even her hubby\’s golf handicap. I didn\’t even know he was disabled. When someone asked... Read More