It\’s written that the planet Mercury goes retro a few times a year. This means it spins backwards for some unknown reason, for an extended period, then dashes forward almost spastic like, in a big way.

Big deal. I used to date a guy who would do that while dancing to Saturday Night Fever.

However, it turns out this IS a big deal. At least to me and some of my friends.

Supposedly, a retro means that everything that can go wrong does. Keys are lost, appointments are missed, people lock themselves out of their hotel room standing in their pajamas (it wasn\’t me, but for fifty bucks I\’ll name names), and usually some major appliance breaks.

People have warned me against buying a car, starting a new job, or getting married during a retro. Married? I\’d stand a better chance of having my belly button pierced, if I could find it.

This particular phrase started April 18 and is suppose to end TODAY, May 11. Might I add that it is none too soon.

So far this month I lost a set of car keys, had two flat tires. TWO! What are the odds? I added a deposit twice in my checkbook, which wouldn\’t be so bad except I spent the money. Paid overdrafts. Lost one very long, very professional, very time-consuming proposal for a writing gig when my computer crashed…again. Oh get this; I also cracked a tooth while eating pistachios. I\’m addicted to them. I really need a pistachio therapist. You know, one for nuts?

Now you\’re probably thinking, so what? These are normal things and could happen to anybody, any time. Yeah? In one week?

I was feeling pretty damaged until a friend wrote and said she got stuck in a car wash and since the owners couldn\’t see the machines had quit, she was totally alone. Panicking, she used her cell and called 911. She was finally rescued, but not before the crowd and the laughter started. Humiliation AND she had to pay? Mercury…(for another fifty, I\’ll sing like a canary).

The problem with the planets, the weather, and Mother Nature in general, is that we have no control over what to expect next. Kind of like raising boys. One day life is just flowing along like the Mississippi River and then the next month, you\’re up creek without a paddle…and there\’s a bear waiting on the bank.

Mercury, smurkry… it\’s over now and the river is flowing smoothly once again with no bears in sight.. Life—even with all its twists and turns—is still the best gig around.