I was excited knowing the grandbeauties were due for another sleep over. Wearing my “grandmother of the year” ego, I verified the normal supplies were available.

  • Popsicles, CHECK
  • Crayons and the “graffiti on walls” speech, CHECK
  • Lunch/supper/snacks in the shape of cartoon characters, CHECK
  • Movies without violence or crime, and music by that purple dinosaur or yellow sponge thingy, CHECK

All systems were go. I was prepared. I was in charge.

They arrived.

It didn\’t take long to realize that my being in control was a joke. After exhausting all of the printer ink for online coloring pages, (store-bought ones are not cool) reading them everything but the New York Times, and playing dress up until I realized they looked better in my clothes than I did…I begged for “quiet time.” CHECK

Grandchildren can be evil and merciless.

The five-year old has learned a new word. “Pregnant.” This left me with my own question. Why is my daughter-in-law allowing ME to answer this? So I said babies were delivered by Sears. Isn\’t everything?

Speaking of why, each question answered, was quickly followed with “why?” One can only follow this stream of interrogation so far. Who do I look like, Nova? No grandma is not pregnant. I\’m just fluffy, and don\’t ask me why.

The three-year old has learned to be invisible. Find her and you\’ll discover she has an insatiable curiosity with candles, matches, and stuffing large things in small holes. What is this fascination with the toilet? Better yet, why can\’t manufacturers make one to accommodate toothpaste tubes? Don\’t they have grandchildren? Thank God for plumbers who do; and…a sense of humor…on weekends.

After waving a friendly and long-suffering good-bye to the plumber, cleaning up the great white, pasty flood, and answering yet another question on Sears\’s deliveries, I decided it was time to call in the big guns.

Trips to the Dairy Queen can be refreshing. However, this delicious treat can also make one\’s mind play tricks. Soon I was completely lost in the delights of innocent children. The tiring events of the day softly faded.

Yes, good-bye my grandbeauties. Grandma loves you dearly. See you next weekend? Sure…I can\’t wait!

Wait! Who said that?

Plumber on speed dial. CHECK