If these are not laws, they should be. There is nothing more annoying than those adorable people you love calling and breaking all the rules of phone equit … ah … eqi … ah … manners. Phone manners.

People who break these rules are probably the same people who go through the 10 Items or Less checkout at Wally World. Oh, you mean you don\’t count 12 cases of cokes as one? I bet they\’re double-parked, too.

So here are the Top 10 Rules for Calling Your Friends at Home.

  • Nev-ER, ev-ER call your friends when they are watching their favorite TV show. This is grounds for de-friending. Yes, that\’s a word. It\’s mine. Don\’t do it. If you do, make sure you are bleeding or have broken bones. Multiple ones. Winning the lottery is acceptable calling.
  • Do not call your friends when you know they have a date. Three\’s company.
  • Do not call your friends and ask them to referee a fight between you and your significant other. (One caveat…it\’s perfectly acceptable to ask them over to watch it; however…I mean, who doesn\’t like to watch a good fight?)
  • Do not call to tell your fluffy friend that you have lost ten pounds. One exception would be if you are still 25 30 pounds heavier than your friend.
  • Do not call your friend and blurt out the end of a movie they\’re currently watching. If you do, immediately move or go into hiding.
  • Do not call your friend to gossip. Shame on you! Call me instead.
  • Do not call a friend while you are eating. Like they want to hear you crunch? Besides, your munching drowns out every other word. This is especially critical when gossip is involved.
  • Do not call your friend to share that the Barbie look-alike you saw their hubby dining with today probably has a bad personality; and it was probably nothing; just lunch. Does this REALLY need an explanation?
  • Do not call your friend to tell them all about your hemorrhoid operation. Trust me; they do not want you to walk them through it. Or care. Ew.
  • And last but not least, do not call your friend to tell them you\’ve decided to take a cruise unless of course you got a 2-fer. That\’s two for one. Taking um with ya. In that case, you can gossip, crunch and munch, and tell old Queenie alllll about that surgery. I\’m here for you, hon.