Thursday - December 7, 2023

Seasons Running Amuck

September 15th, 2009

I saw a friend the other day at Wally World. After the normal greetings and checking each other out to see who had gained the most weight, I asked her what her mission was that day. Her reply, “I\’m looking for some good Easter bargains.” I stared at her wondering if she\’d had a nip or two. After all, this is the same woman who believes pictures of the moon landing are fakes, but Saturday Night Wrestling is totally real. Not being able to stop my curiosity, I probed further. “Easter? Ah, it\’s September, hun. Isn\’t that a little advanced shopping?” I believe in... Read More

Family Vacations, or Lessons in Self Torture

August 14th, 2009

Women…the superior species, right? We rule. We rock. We also gripe, snap, whine, and bemoan. Enter the family vacation with mom and the sisters. What was I thinking? Put a bunch of women in a closed car for more than four hours and you\’re asking for trouble. Five and somebody is going to bleed. I\’ve just returned from a “family” vacation with mom and three sisters. Again I ask you, what was I thinking? Going on family vacations is like giving birth—you do it; swear you\’ll never do it again because of the pain, and then your memory fades and there you are…in the... Read More

Weather Wimps are Alive and Living in the South

July 15th, 2009

Southerners love grits, cornbread, apple pie and barbecues. They also love “iced tea” on a hot, summer afternoon, and Coke (i.e., any brand of soda on this planet). They are laid back, enjoy life, and love their families. Southerners are often misunderstood with their undeniable slow talk and rhythm, and have been known to confuse more than one Yankee when asked for driving directions. You want the Smith\’s place? Sure thing! Just go past the tree on the right-hand side of Widow Barker\’s 1942 green Chevy that\’s parked down by the Freewill Baptist Church next to the cotton... Read More

What My Grandchildren Taught Me

June 11th, 2009

Compared to my “grandbeauties,” the energizer bunny looks comatose. This can have a great affect on someone my age. I try to keep up the pace, but usually end up saying, “Remember when Mr. Kitty went to heaven? Well, Gan Maw\’s going unless we rest a bit.” Giggles follow as there\’s no sympathy from those two—and so, we continue our play. I\’ve discovered that grandchildren can be such wonderful teachers of life if we take care to observe and learn. They\’re so young and happy, and free to just “be.” Their world consists of playing and make-believe; plus every... Read More

Ann Landers – Move Over

May 13th, 2009

There a new kid in town. I mean, why not? I\’m already doling out advice to anyone who gets near me. I\’m already dispensing wisdom at the drop of a hat. So why not make it official; syndicated; nationwide? Your love life in the toilet? Let me help you flush it out. Mother-in-law calling and visiting too much? Tell her that you, hubby, and the kids are thinking of downsizing and moving in with her. Oh…and the dog, gerbils, pet snake, etc. She\’ll grow wings and fly. Kids won\’t take “NO” for an answer about the upcoming “wild” party on Friday night? Let them... Read More

Chicken or Feathers

April 14th, 2009

Have you ever tried pulling out one Kleenex tissue and five come out? (Try putting those back in the box) It\’s either chicken or feathers. This means there is either plenty to go around OR …there\’s never enough. That\’s what I call Chicken (enough) or Feathers (empty). And what I\’ve found is that I seem to have plenty of “feathers.” Especially around this time of year, TAX TIME. It\’s enough to make me want to give birth again, just for the deductions. Okay, big fat lie. For me, every tax season begins and ends the same way. I retrieve the huge file box that... Read More

You Say TomaTOE, I say TomaTAH…it\’s still red

March 12th, 2009

Misunderstandings come in every shape, form, and email imaginable. Almost every day someone complains about an email they\’ve received from a friend. Just last week I overheard a woman complaining to another friend. She said, “I just got an email from ___ and she said there\’s no such thing as a perfect match in romance! Can you believe she said that? My husband is the perfect one for me, I\’ll have her know! She\’s just jealous. She couldn\’t catch a cold, much less a man.” And so she ranted … and raved … ad nauseam. I wanted to point out to her that 1)... Read More

You Talkin\’ to Me?

February 13th, 2009

I\’m sitting here munching on a pineapple, peanut butter and mayo sandwich, wondering what all the hype is about. Seems like everywhere I turn, somebody\’s trying to tell me how to eat, dress, or close the gap between me and my dating cycles. Trust me, you\’d have better luck sewing up the Grand Canyon. I think what puzzles me the most is how someone who doesn\’t know me, can know so much about what\’s best for me. Every other day the scientists who write those medical journals come out with a new study that shows _____ (Fill in the blank) causes cancer. Everything... Read More

Poor Old January

January 13th, 2009

January…the beginning. The New Year. A fresh start. Numeral Uno. The Top Dog. The FIRST PAGE ON EVERY CALENDAR, for Pete\’s sake! So why does everybody hate, “Poor Old January?” Aside from the obvious respect due to being number one, shouldn\’t the pinnacle of the mountain have other advantages? You know, like when you get the best parking space at work ‘cause you\’re the big cheese, or getting the last piece of pizza because you cooked it. Or in my families case, because I paid for it. But no, ‘tis not so, peeps. At least not for poor old January. Seems everyone... Read More

Guess What? I\’m Expecting!

November 12th, 2008

Is this exciting or what? I can hardly believe it myself. But it\’s true; the Queen here is expecting. And that\’s not all; delivery is in the very near future! I haven\’t said anything to you—my adoring fans (both of you) because I wanted to pick the perfect time to share this good news. Now I know what you\’re thinking. You believe I\’m way too old to start raising another one. Now, now…don\’t be hasty. There\’s still a lot of get up and go in this old gal. Course most of it got up and went, leaving no forwarding address, ahem; but still, I believe... Read More