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Why Math is An Aging Woman’s Friend

October 26th, 2015

By Leigh Anne Jasheway, NABBW’s Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll be 59 next month and it’s got me thinking about math. That’s right, MATH, that subject near and dear to the hearts of so many… nerdy girls like me. My knowledge of math lets me honestly tell people I’m only 32. This statement is absolutely true when I calculate my age in base 19 instead of base 10. Using the same system, I also still weigh in at my birth weight. Booyah! Prime numbers aren’t the only way math pays off – geometry is also helpful. For example, I also know that my knees hurt if I sit like an isosceles... Read More

I’m a Person, Not a Smudge

January 30th, 2015

By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Associate for Boomer Humor   Why are there so many creams for women over “a certain age” that have the word “blur” in them? There’s Miracle Blur, Opti-Blur, Magic Blur, 5-Second Blur, Victoria’s Secret Blur Bra for Boobs Over 50 (okay, I made that last one up, but it’s probably on the drawing board). I don’t want to be a blur. I want to be high definition clear. That’s right, crows’ feet, soft jawline, broadening midsection, dangly boobies and all—I want those in sharp focus. I earned them and I want you to see them, dammit! It’s important... Read More

Hey, Red!

December 22nd, 2014

By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Associate for Boomer Humor    “Hey, Red!” There’s something about a redhead. I may be biased, having been born red-headed and kept up the “tradition” thanks to boxes of hair color with names such as Copper Penny, Awesome Auburn, and Hey, Who Started the Fire? What can I say, I love redheads. My first dog Copper was a “ginger” as we’re often called these days. (By the way, ginger is also my favorite spice.) Three of my best friends have had fiery hair and dispositions, as did my favorite high school and college teachers. I wanted to... Read More

Walk (in Shoes) Like a Man

February 18th, 2014

Walk (in Shoes) Like a Man By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Associate According to a Home Shopping Network pitchwoman (whom I only saw accidentally when one of my dogs rolled over on the remote and changed from the highfalutin PBS pledge drive I was watching), “Comfortable shoes are back!” Can I get a low five? Of course, the spokesperson was talking to women because most men are too smart to ever stick their tootsies in a six-inch stiletto heel with a toebox meant for a hamster’s foot, not a human’s. Given the choice between painful footwear and, say, getting their chests... Read More

It’s My Party, Where’s My Pony?

November 7th, 2013

It’s My Party, Where’s My Pony?  By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert This is my birthday month. I’ll be 36. Well, I will be if I calculate my age in base 17, which I do. That’s right, being a math geek pays off big as you get older! If you want, I can calculate your age for you as well. Just let me find my old slide rule. Many other “36”-year-olds want to forget they even have a birthday. They prefer to roll up in the fetal position in a closet and whimper softly as they contemplate their own mortality. That does NOT sound like the kind of party I want to be invited... Read More

When I Grow Up I Want to Be Betty White

June 16th, 2013

When I Grow Up I Want to Be Betty White By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert When I was a teenager I thought my grandmother was ancient. She had white hair, wore hand-knit shawls, and kept a bowl of hard candy on her coffee table to distract us from the chocolate she hoarded for herself in the pockets of her apron. We never ate the hard candy because it would have taken a hammer and chisel to get a piece small enough to fit into our mouths. Besides, it was mostly covered in dust and moths. Grandma was also a germaphobe who Cloroxed everything. We kids were afraid to roll over... Read More

You Say Neanderthal Like It’s a Bad Thing!

July 27th, 2011

You Say Neanderthal Like It’s a Bad Thing! By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert Scientists recently reported that contrary to what was once believed, today’s humans almost all have a little Neanderthal in them. This is, I believe, the reason most of us eventually resort to plucking our eyebrows – we know deep down in our DNA that we won’t look good with a unibrow. (By the way, MS Word doesn’t think unibrow is a word, but you and I know better.) These high level genetic studies could have easily been avoided had someone just thought to interview either wives or interior... Read More

I’ve Been Slimed

May 26th, 2011

I’ve Been Slimed By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert According to a recent episode of The Doctors, it is possible to pay hundreds of dollars at a spa for a snail facial. That’s right, a snail facial, during which a white-coated technician places a few of the garden gastropods on your face where they slime their way from chin to cheekbone. Can you say, “Ick”? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “easily freaked out by mollusks” type of women. In fact, I have a pretty good relationship with both snails and slugs. I have to. I live in the Pacific Northwest;... Read More

Get Some Sleep, Will You?

May 13th, 2011

Get Some Sleep, Will You? By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert I have a theory that worrying about how to look young ages you. Last week, for example, I read an article on how to stay young-looking, and among the usual advice – eat well, exercise, don’t squint while reading articles on how to stay young-looking – was this tip, which has caused me to lose sleep for four days in a row : Don’t sleep on your side. You’ll add fine lines and wrinkles to that one side. Not only will you look older than if you sleep on your back, you’ll look lopsided. Oh, perfect! Now not... Read More

May Brings Us The Power of Maybe (And Some Funny Videos)

May 13th, 2011

May Brings Us The Power of Maybe (And Some Funny Videos) By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert There is power in “No.” No, I can’t bake 400 brownies for the class bake sale tomorrow. No, I won’t be able to stay late after work again because the computer ate that file. No, I’d prefer no to talk to you about changing my cell phone plan. There is also power in “Yes.” Yes, I would like to try that new chocolate dessert. Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I am game for boarding this spaceship, but only if you return me to earth in time for dinner because I’m... Read More