What\’s Your Sex Style?
What\’s Your Sex Style?
By Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.
NABBW’s Expert on Boomer Women Sexuality
Individuals and couples often develop their own sex styles that partially reflect their personalities and relationships.
Every sex style is good if you both enjoy it and it leads to satisfying sex.
Experimenting with another style once in a while can be exciting, too. Like food, variety really does add spice to life.
Occasionally, a rigid sex style can block you from experiencing other kinds of lovemaking.
Remember, no individual or couple is ever all one style, but most do have preferences or patterns. Which one are you?
Funny sex. You laugh and tease one another in bed. For you, foreplay and sex are all about having fun together. Potential blind spot: you might be missing out on the more relaxed and intimate side of sex.
Angry sex. You make love even when you’re ticked off at each other, or maybe right after a big blowup. This sex style can be healing, as long as you make sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved. Potential blind spot: when do you get a chance to make love without war first?
Lusty sex. This style can be full of wicked and flirty looks at each other, a passionate kiss in the grocery store when no one is looking, an unexpected quickie, and the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex. Potential blind spot: lusty sex alone sometimes becomes a way to avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
Tender sex. You love gentle, romantic, healing sex that may involve soothing massage, light touches, candlelight, soft music, sharing secrets, and ministering to each another. Potential blind spot: where’s the heat?
Fantasy sex. Your adventuresome spirit is to be envied by many. Role-playing, costumes, fetishes, images (alone or shared) provide saucy spice. Potential blind spot: make sure your real lover remains in the picture.
Comfort sex. Just another ho-hum, tired-at-the-end-of-the-day roll in the hay. You snuggle next to each other, some caressing starts, maybe there’s intercourse, maybe not. You feel connected and relaxed before falling asleep. Potential blind spot: Comfort patterns are easy to get into and difficult to leave. Keep some reserve energy for times of desire and passion.
Accommodating sex. He/she wants sex and you go along. You’re not that into it at first, but can lie back (or just relax) and enjoy it if your partner initiates and does most of the “work.” Sometimes, pleasing a horny partner is generous. Potential blind spot: could become a habit unless you make sure the favor is returned and you still have times of mutual passion.
Wild-side sex. You go for new sex toys, whips, chains, ceiling hooks, films, pornography, and erotic books. Potential blind spot: make sure your body can twist like a pretzel, and ask yourself if you still have desire even without all the extra bells and whistles.
Tantric or Kama Sutra sex. You both breathe deeply and mutually expand your sexual (and possibly even spiritual) experiences by focusing on the process rather than only on the end goal. Potential blind spot: Are you gaining a new, passionate experience or losing your fire? Take a pass on the self criticism if this kind of sex turns out not to be your thing.
Dr. Dorree Lynn, NABBW’s Boomer Women Sexuality Expert is the founder and Editor-In Chief of FiftyandFurthermore.com, a lifestyle website that is known for offering sexy, savvy and sage advice for grownups over 50. She also blogs at www.DrDorreeLynn.com and writes a column in Upbeat Senior. She is a practicing psychologist and life coach in Washington, D.C. and Florida with over 4 decades of experience.