Wednesday - June 7, 2023


March 9th, 2007

Talking with aging loved ones about thorny topics can be fraught with snags and pitfalls! So thorny, in fact, that many family members either never try . . . until there\’s a crisis, or try and fail and drop the subject . . . until there\’s a crisis! Since resolving issues is a lot easier before a crisis, here are five pitfalls (plus a bonus!) to avoid, to get you successfully on your way. PITFALL #1) NOT RESPECTING THE GENERATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES The fact is that generational attitudes and emotional perspectives matter . . . a lot. But too often family members think that... Read More


February 13th, 2007

How often have you done something that you really dreaded and heard yourself saying “that wasn\’t so bad”? On the other hand, how many times have you feared the worst about, say for example, an eldercare issue. Sure you know it\’s a problem. You see all the tell-tale signs of trouble – the car accidents (or near misses); health problems not being addressed; bills not being paid; increasing forgetfulness; inability to take care of themselves in their home. You know you should do something but because of the fear, you put off addressing the issue for weeks, months,... Read More


January 10th, 2007

In last month\’s article we looked at an actual client situation of mine – family members who were genuinely concerned about their 93-year old mother. They wanted their mother to be safe and secure and “well taken care of” – as did their mother. Conflicts arose, however, as to how to achieve what was really in her best interest – so much conflict, in fact, that their mother had refused to speak to them. Unfortunately, this kind of impasse often happens when each “side” stakes their claim to a specific solution and are unable to conceive of other... Read More

How to Make the Holidays Better for Your Aging Loved One(s), Your Family, and You!

December 11th, 2006

I\’ve always loved the holidays – the gathering of family and friends, the traditions, the presents! But after my father died and my mother\’s dementia made it necessary for her to move into an assisted living community and then a nursing home, my holidays changed dramatically. Though initially difficult and emotional, I found that by changing my mindset (looking at it as creating new “traditions” rather than dwelling on how things “used to be”) and some advanced planning, the “new” holidays have created some good memories, too. And I felt... Read More


November 14th, 2006

Last month you were about to find out what your aging loved ones truly want for the third half of their lives (using the form, “What Do I Want For the 3rd ½ of My Life” that you downloaded from the Newsletter page of my website (http://www.agewiseliving.com/). The next step, then is to look at what they wrote and figure out what their responses mean. The easiest way to explain how to do this is by using an actual example. This list was written by a very healthy, spry and spirited 93-year old widow who lived alone in her own home about 50 miles from 3 of her 11 children. Everyone,... Read More


October 11th, 2006

Recently, while standing in a crowded, noisy hallway, someone asked me THE question: “How can I persuade my aging loved one(s) to willingly do something they don\’t want to do, even though it\’s in their best interest?” As I began to answer, the whole area fell silent and everyone leaned in to hear my answer. I thought I\’d been transported into that old financial advice commercial! Unfortunately, the answer is you can\’t! Sorry, but unless your aging loved one(s) has dementia, they are free to do what they want. But fear not! There is a way to help them want... Read More


September 15th, 2006

I\’m sure many of you have heard the tragic story of Brooke Astor, the multimillionaire New York socialite who is alleged to have been mistreated by her son, who controls her $45 million portfolio. Obviously this case is making the headlines because of her celebrity and its easy – even comforting – to believe that this sort of abuse only happens when there are vast sums of money involved. Unfortunately, the reality is that elder abuse occurs in families of all races, backgrounds, nationalities and income groups. Sadder still, contrary to the popular belief that elder abusers are strangers,... Read More

How to Make – And Keep – Your Memories

August 1st, 2006

As a Generational Coach and because of the my mother\’s dementia, I\’m often asked by people who are concerned about their “intellectual pauses” if there\’s anything they can do to remember more, longer, and make their memories easier to access. Please know that I\’m not a “brain specialist”. Nothing written here should imply a diagnosis or a way to prevent Alzheimers or any of the dozen or so other types of dementia. However, based on information I\’ve learned through research, personal observation and experience, I say Yes! HOW WE MAKE MEMORIES The brain... Read More

6 Steps for Disbursing “Stuff” While Preserving Family Relationships

July 1st, 2006

One of the most difficult and emotional tasks a family faces whether because of a move or the death of loved one, is distributing the family possessions. If one person wants an item – no problem. But when more than one family member wants something, things can get very unpleasant very fast! Sadly, too many families find they\’ve accomplished the task but, in the process, create long-term, deeply held resentment which can destroy family relationships. How can you disburse family possessions in a way that preserves the future and the past? By being pro-active and making 6 preliminary decisions... Read More

6 Tips To Emptying Your Aging Loved One\’s House

June 1st, 2006

One of the most difficult jobs family members face when emptying out their aging loved one(s) house is how to get rid of all the “stuff”. This is especially difficult for family members who live at a distance and have to sort through a life time of belongings in a week or two of vacation time. If this is an issue you\’re facing, here are some suggestions to make it easier. Get An Appraisal: If you\’re afraid of getting rid of anything because it could be worth a million dollars, you may have the “Antiques Roadshow™ syndrome! Therefore, the first action you\’ll want to... Read More