Because of the my mother\’s dementia, I\’m often asked by people who are concerned about “intellectual pauses” of their loved one (or their own) if there\’s anything they can do to remember more, longer, and make their memories easier to access. Please know that I\’m not a “brain specialist”. Nothing written here should imply a diagnosis or a way to prevent Alzheimers or any of the dozen or so other types of dementia. However, based on information I\’ve learned through research, personal observation and experience, I say Yes! Before I can tell you how to... Read More

Many parents are uncomfortable living in their children\’s home – the feeling that they\’re an imposition – especially if they have nothing to do. Most parents don\’t want to feel like guests, yet it\’s a fine line between helping and interfering. This is an actual story . . . “After my husband\’s death, my daughter invited me to live with her and her husband in their new large house, 125 miles away. Actually, I was the one who suggested it because at the time it appeared that her husband was going to be taking a job with such a long commute that he could... Read More

Here\’s a tough one . . . Your Mom and/or Dad has moved in with you. At some point s/he told you s/he wants to pay you something to help defray the cost and you said no. Or maybe when the subject came up and you were uncomfortable and said “let\’s discuss it later”. I mean. . . what do you say? Your aging loved one is now living with you so s/he is not a guest. In fact, it\’s even worse than that . . . they\’re your parents!! After all they\’ve done for you, can you seriously ask them to pay rent? So now s/he has moved in with you and the issue of money has... Read More

Can you believe that summer is here? Whether graduation, a wedding, or a vacation, as a caregiver, a big question you may be asking yourself is should you bring your aging loved one along with you on the trip or not. If the answer is ‘yes\’, this article will help you make it a good one. Cathy writes. . . . “Mom was very active until about a year ago when she broke her hip. Two years ago we took her with us on a cruise to the Caribbean. Originally, my husband and I planned to go to Hawaii, but there really wasn\’t much there for my mother do. We figured a cruise would eliminate... Read More

There are a lot of reasons why parent(s) and their adult children decide to live together. The first and best reason is that everyone just wants to live together. You and your parent have a great relationship, perhaps they live far away, you have the room . . . you want them to come live with you while you both can enjoy the time together. Or perhaps your parent has suffered a loss such as the death of a spouse, a change in health, suffered a financial setback, lost possessions through fire or some other disaster. It could be anything and although your loved one is generally fine, they just need... Read More

Many people ask me when they should start talking with their aging loved ones about what they want for the future – where they want to live, what they want their prized possessions to go – that sort of thing. I\’ve heard people say the general rule of thumb is “40/60”. In other words, when you turn 40 and/or when your loved one turns 60. I personally don\’t agree. I say no matter how old you are or how old your loved one is, start now! A while back I asked you “How do you define “family fortune”?” I pointed out that most people say money when, in fact, that\’s... Read More

If preserving your loved one’s dignity as well as their estate is part of the family fortune you and your family care about saving; If their health and protecting their right to make health care decisions is important; If preserving their lifestyle in the face of a crisis is important; If avoiding airing their “dirty laundry” is important; If you want to avoid the lawyers, going to court, going through conservatorship proceedings is important; then it is particularly important that you make sure that your aging loved one’s advance planning documents are in order. However, have you tried... Read More

How often have you heard about siblings who aren\’t speaking because of some minor dispute that happened years ago? Maybe you know of siblings who were getting along just fine until they started talking about family issues and now they aren\’t speaking. Or maybe a conversation brought up old baggage. When we have strong emotions and/or opinions, it\’s difficult really to listen to someone with different, equally strong emotions and/or opinions. Maybe there is rivalry for Mom and Dad\’s attention. When dealing with eldercare, anything is possible. Eldercare can bring... Read More

One of my favorite television shows is “Cash in the Attic”. On the show, an antiques expert goes to people\’s houses and searches for treasures and then takes them to auction for them. A lot of the stuff is from garage sales and flea markets, others are actual antiques – inherited pieces. Sadly, many times the family members have no idea where an item came from or the story behind it. Today they found an antique writing slope with a sock in it. The daughter remembered that the slope had belonged to her mother and that she kept important things in it. When they opened it, they found... Read More

As you gathered at Mom & Dad\’s house over the holidays, did you happen to notice items that you would like to have such as ornaments, holiday dishes or silver? (Oh come on . . . I\’ll bet you did!) And even if you didn\’t, I can assure you at least one of your siblings did! In previous columns I\’ve talked about the family fortune as it relates to helping Mom/Dad – specifically working together to make caregiving decisions. But saving the family fortune can also mean preserving and distributing “stuff” and that\’s what we\’re going to look at this... Read More