Five or six mornings a week, I walk 4 to 6 miles in Central Park. I get great joy from meandering. It’s something I do for my head more than for my body. In the past few years I’ve started feeding the birds and now the Cardinals come directly to me when they hear me shake the bag of bird seed. The other morning, as I was feeding the birds, a guy with a dog came by. I nodded but he started screaming at me about how dare I spend money feeding birds when there are homeless and starving children in the world. I was very surprised and then started to laugh and pointed out that as a woman, I can... Read More

Many companies these days are focusing their employee benefits on wellness. That makes sense but when they think of wellness, most companies are thinking exercise programs, healthy eating, smoking cessation, stress reduction, etc. However, the point that many companies are missing is that many people aren\’t exercising or eating healthily, and are smoking, drinking, self-medicating, and totally stressed because they\’re struggling with eldercare issues. Parents are much older, often frailer and often living away from their adult children. As a result, elder caregiving employees miss... Read More

Are you like me . . . dazzled by all the lights and decorations of the holidays, surrounded by the warmth of family and friends, and swept up with the magic? Are you then bummed when January comes and, as if with a flick of a switch, the parties stop, the mail is once again just bills, the lights are turned off, and we go back to life as usual? This is a difficult time for a lot of people – the dreariness of the winter months and the sudden letdown after all the excitement. I know it’s a huge letdown for me but at least I have work and all kinds of obligations to distract me. Sadly, it’s... Read More

This week I went to a meeting where the topic was sharing special holiday memories. In addition to our memories, everyone was asked to bring their favorite holiday foods. It was a lot of fun but also a little sad because for several of them – including me – one of their loved ones past away this year. Fortunately for all of us, the happy memories of holidays past live on. When family members are visiting their parents for the holidays, I often encourage them to use that time to make sure they\’re parent is ok. Look for things such as: is your loved one clean, well groomed, and properly... Read More

Because of the my mother\’s dementia, I\’m often asked by people who are concerned about “intellectual pauses” of their loved one (or their own) if there\’s anything they can do to remember more, longer, and make their memories easier to access. Please know that I\’m not a “brain specialist”. Nothing written here should imply a diagnosis or a way to prevent Alzheimers or any of the dozen or so other types of dementia. However, based on information I\’ve learned through research, personal observation and experience, I say Yes! Before I can tell you how to... Read More

Many parents are uncomfortable living in their children\’s home – the feeling that they\’re an imposition – especially if they have nothing to do. Most parents don\’t want to feel like guests, yet it\’s a fine line between helping and interfering. This is an actual story . . . “After my husband\’s death, my daughter invited me to live with her and her husband in their new large house, 125 miles away. Actually, I was the one who suggested it because at the time it appeared that her husband was going to be taking a job with such a long commute that he could... Read More

Here\’s a tough one . . . Your Mom and/or Dad has moved in with you. At some point s/he told you s/he wants to pay you something to help defray the cost and you said no. Or maybe when the subject came up and you were uncomfortable and said “let\’s discuss it later”. I mean. . . what do you say? Your aging loved one is now living with you so s/he is not a guest. In fact, it\’s even worse than that . . . they\’re your parents!! After all they\’ve done for you, can you seriously ask them to pay rent? So now s/he has moved in with you and the issue of money has... Read More

Can you believe that summer is here? Whether graduation, a wedding, or a vacation, as a caregiver, a big question you may be asking yourself is should you bring your aging loved one along with you on the trip or not. If the answer is ‘yes\’, this article will help you make it a good one. Cathy writes. . . . “Mom was very active until about a year ago when she broke her hip. Two years ago we took her with us on a cruise to the Caribbean. Originally, my husband and I planned to go to Hawaii, but there really wasn\’t much there for my mother do. We figured a cruise would eliminate... Read More

There are a lot of reasons why parent(s) and their adult children decide to live together. The first and best reason is that everyone just wants to live together. You and your parent have a great relationship, perhaps they live far away, you have the room . . . you want them to come live with you while you both can enjoy the time together. Or perhaps your parent has suffered a loss such as the death of a spouse, a change in health, suffered a financial setback, lost possessions through fire or some other disaster. It could be anything and although your loved one is generally fine, they just need... Read More

Many people ask me when they should start talking with their aging loved ones about what they want for the future – where they want to live, what they want their prized possessions to go – that sort of thing. I\’ve heard people say the general rule of thumb is “40/60”. In other words, when you turn 40 and/or when your loved one turns 60. I personally don\’t agree. I say no matter how old you are or how old your loved one is, start now! A while back I asked you “How do you define “family fortune”?” I pointed out that most people say money when, in fact, that\’s... Read More