Who Says Younger is Sexier?
Who Says Younger is Sexier?
By Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.
NABBW’s Expert on Boomer Women Sexuality
Just about everyone, that’s who! Gazillions of messages every day try to convince us that young—and only young—is sexy. Sure, the media throws us a politically correct nod, showing attractive seniors supposedly shining our way through our golden years, even if a bit battered and bent.
But those token gestures can hardly compete with all the TV, movies, radio, popular music, magazines, and even wrappers on gum and panty hose—all full of images of young, sexy people whom we are supposed to try to be.
WHY? What is so wonderful about not growing up? What is wrong with being just who we are at every age? Our culture tells us we must hang on to youth like a life raft, and with enough makeup, Botox, and sass, we really can turn back the clock.
But 50 is not the new 30, 50 is the new 50; 60 is not the new 40, 60 is the new 60! After all we’ve been through and figured out over the years, 50 or 60 really can be a whole lot happier and sexier than 18, or at least we can understand ourselves better.
It’s part of life’s developmental tasks. Unlike when we were young and trying to fit into a world we just met, after 50 we can finally, proudly, and fully be our true selves. Do we really need to look and feel twenty years younger? Didn’t we already do that?
Yes, it would be nice to have the energy and strength we had back then. But do you really want to go back and do it all over again? The teenage acne, that nerve-wracking junior prom, starting up your young adult life, perhaps raising small children, finding a first job, or building a career—isn’t it nice to be finished with some of that stuff?
Most teenagers and young adults (including maybe ourselves at an earlier time) think they invented sex. They find it inconceivable to imagine that their parents, or anyone significantly older, are “doing it.” Of course, in time, it dawns on most people that this possibly can’t be true; of course sex is not only for the young.
But the idea can linger and confuse us, especially when it is so relentlessly reinforced nearly everywhere we turn. It’s true that young people at the height of their fertility can look very sexy, but grownup, intimate, authentic sex can beat the pants of awkward, training-wheel sex most every time. Even our age looks sexy, depending on the eyes of the viewer.
It’s all about attitude! It’s appropriate to grieve for our necessary looses, feel sad for what is no longer, bemoan our thinning hair, and whine about our waistline, wrinkles and warts. But you can also grab ever-changing life by the tail and enjoy the ride—even if (admittedly) you do end up a bit nauseous on some of the twists and turns.
Now can finally be your time to see life as the adventure it’s always been. Of course we’ve changed! That’s what happens when you keep living.
Dr. Dorree Lynn, NABBW’s Boomer Women Sexuality Expert is a practicing Washington, DC-based psychologist and life coach with over 4 decades of experience, who is committed to helping people have better relationships and fulfilling sex lives. She is the founder and Editor-In Chief of FiftyandFurthermore.com, a lifestyle website that is known for offering sexy, savvy and sage advice for grownups over 50. Dr. Dorree has appeared on “Good Morning America,” MSNBC, CNN, PBS and other major programming. She writes for Upbeat Senior and YourTango and has a column, “Between the Sheets” in DC’s popular newspaper, The Georgetowner. Her book, “Sex for Grownups,” is available from Barnes and Nobel and Amazon, where it is also available in downloadable Kindle format. You can anonymously ask Dr. Dorree questions on her website at DrDorreeLynn.com.