July 7th, 2010
Is It Healthy Love or “Love” Addiction?
Since we all have grown up in a society that confuses healthy love with “love” addiction, many of us find it difficult to know whether our feelings are based on healthy intimacy or addictive desire. Based on my work over the last 45 year\’s as a psychotherapist specializing in helping people develop and maintain healthy relationships, I offer the following comparison.
Addictive Love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.
Addictive Love is always trying to fill an inner void.
Addictive Love always seeks love “out there” from that “special someone.”
Addictive Love is compulsively sought after.
Addictive Love comes from outside. It wants to take.
Addictive Love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children\’s animals that expand instantly when we add water.
Addictive Love is frightened of being alone and afraid of being close.
Addictive Love is stereotyped. There is always a certain type that attracts us.
Addictive Love is tense and combative.
Addictive Love is based on hiding from ourselves and falling in love with an ideal “image” not a person.
Addictive Love encourages secrets. We want to look good and put on an attractive mask.
Addictive Love caves in.
Addictive Love creates a loss of self the longer we are together.
Addictive Love requires more effort as time goes on.
Addictive Love is like being swept away down a raging river.
Addictive Love expands as fear increases.
Addictive Love is always looking for more or better.
Addictive Love encourages outside interests to contract.
Addictive Love is based on the belief that we have to be together.
Addictive Love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy.
Addictive Love creates melodramas.
