What\’s Your Sex Style?

By  Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.
NABBW’s Expert on Boomer Women Sexuality
Individuals  and  couples  often develop  their  own  sex  styles  that partially  reflect  their  personalities and relationships.

Every sex style is good if you both enjoy it and it leads to satisfying sex.

Experimenting with another style once in a while can be exciting, too. Like food, variety really does add spice to life.

Occasionally, a rigid sex style can block you from experiencing other kinds of lovemaking.

Remember,  no  individual  or  couple  is  ever  all  one  style,  but most do have preferences or patterns. Which one are you?

Funny sex. You laugh and tease one another in bed. For you, foreplay and sex are all about  having  fun  together.  Potential blind spot: you might be missing out on the more relaxed and intimate side of sex.

Angry sex. You make love even when you’re ticked off at each other, or maybe right after a big blowup. This sex style can be healing, as long as you make sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved. Potential blind spot: when do you get a chance to make love without war first?

Lusty sex. This style can be full of wicked and flirty looks at each other, a passionate kiss in the grocery store when no one is looking, an unexpected quickie, and the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex. Potential blind spot: lusty sex alone sometimes becomes a way to avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability.

Tender sex. You love gentle, romantic, healing sex that may involve  soothing  massage,  light  touches,  candlelight,  soft music,  sharing  secrets,  and  ministering  to  each  another. Potential blind spot: where’s the heat?

Fantasy  sex.  Your  adventuresome  spirit  is  to  be  envied  by many.  Role-playing, costumes,  fetishes,  images  (alone  or shared)  provide  saucy  spice.  Potential blind spot:  make  sure your real lover remains in the picture.

Comfort  sex.  Just  another  ho-hum,  tired-at-the-end-of-the-day roll in the hay. You snuggle next to each other, some caressing starts, maybe there’s intercourse, maybe not. You feel connected  and  relaxed  before  falling  asleep.  Potential  blind spot:  Comfort  patterns  are  easy  to  get  into  and  difficult  to leave. Keep some reserve energy for times of desire and passion.

Accommodating  sex.  He/she  wants  sex  and  you  go  along. You’re not that into it at first, but can lie back (or just relax) and enjoy it if your partner initiates and does most of the “work.” Sometimes,  pleasing  a  horny  partner  is  generous.  Potential blind spot: could become a habit unless you make sure the favor is returned and you still have times of mutual passion.

Wild-side sex. You go for new sex toys, whips, chains, ceiling hooks,  films,  pornography,  and  erotic  books.  Potential blind spot: make sure your body can twist like a pretzel, and ask yourself if you still have desire even without all the extra bells and whistles.

Tantric  or  Kama  Sutra  sex.  You  both  breathe  deeply  and mutually  expand  your  sexual  (and  possibly  even  spiritual) experiences by focusing on the process rather than only on the end goal. Potential blind spot: Are you gaining a new, passionate  experience  or  losing  your  fire?  Take  a  pass  on  the  self criticism if this kind of sex turns out not to be your thing.

Dr. Dorree Lynn, NABBW’s Boomer Women Sexuality Expert is the founder and Editor-In Chief of FiftyandFurthermore.com, a lifestyle website that is known for offering sexy, savvy and sage advice for grownups over 50. She also blogs at www.DrDorreeLynn.com and writes a column in  Upbeat Senior. She is  a practicing psychologist and life coach in Washington, D.C. and Florida with over 4 decades of experience.