I saw a friend the other day at Wally World. After the normal greetings and checking each other out to see who had gained the most weight, I asked her what her mission was that day.

Her reply, “I\’m looking for some good Easter bargains.” I stared at her wondering if she\’d had a nip or two. After all, this is the same woman who believes pictures of the moon landing are fakes, but Saturday Night Wrestling is totally real. Not being able to stop my curiosity, I probed further.

“Easter? Ah, it\’s September, hun. Isn\’t that a little advanced shopping?” I believe in being organized, but most people had not carved the first pumpkin yet, for Pete\’s sake, or bought tacky Christmas gifts for a certain friend who gifted that hideous vase last year; ah, that is, if one had such a friend …cough, ahem … but I digress.

Feeling like a know-it-all, I quickly decided to show her the folly of her shopping cart. I said, “Girl, where on earth do you think you\’ll find Easter items this time of year. Have you gone mad?” Now it was her turn to look at me with that, “She\’s such an infant shopper, poor thing.”

“Whatttt????!!!” I demanded. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

She laid her arm on mine and said very calmly, “Honey, you don\’t get out much, do you? Look around you. Tell me what you see.”

I did…and it was scary. All of the seasons were before me. Each one proudly displayed, each one taking up one full corner; North, South, East, and West.

In the north (of course) was Santa and the reindeer, elves, wrapping paper, and befitting the season, each one offered in chocolate. Your choice, plastic, or edible.

East of the North Pole was Halloween with it\’s witches, costumes, plastic pumpkins, and not letting Christmas out market them, the chocolate bats, hats, and a complete chocolate set of The Adams Family.

Looking south I saw what resembled a 4-foot chocolate rabbit, surrounded by those yellow peeps made of the sticky stuff. I felt the saliva running down the sides of my mouth.

And then slowly turning to the west…there it was; Thanksgiving! And it was complete with turkey trays, turkey centerpieces, and, not to my surprise … turkey chocolate. TURKEY CHOCOLATE?

I learned two very valuable lessons that day. Never, ever underestimate the power of “beating the season” marketing, and of course, if you want to see wrestling at its best, then visit Wally World when they put the 8-foot chocolate Elvis on sale. Whatttt? Hey, that\’s all I\’m saying…