January…the beginning. The New Year.

A fresh start.

Numeral Uno.

The Top Dog.

The FIRST PAGE ON EVERY CALENDAR, for Pete\’s sake!

So why does everybody hate, “Poor Old January?”

Aside from the obvious respect due to being number one, shouldn\’t the pinnacle of the mountain have other advantages? You know, like when you get the best parking space at work ‘cause you\’re the big cheese, or getting the last piece of pizza because you cooked it. Or in my families case, because I paid for it.

But no, ‘tis not so, peeps. At least not for poor old January. Seems everyone hates January.

January is my birthday month and so I\’m even more interested in understanding how people could want to blackball this lonely 30 days. I surveyed a few friends about their JanuaryNESS and guess what? It was unanimous—they hate it.

Hate January? A month that gave you ME? How could this be?

Then it hit me. Other than the fact that your beloved humorist was a January baby back in 19_ _ (oh puleaseeee…like I would put it in print?) the month gives THEM nothing of value. No presents, no Valentines, no vacations, no cook-outs, and no swim parties.

January just IS. Period. Not only that, but January promises to stuff mailboxes with post-holiday bills. Ouch! Double-whammy.

Add to the mix the looming tax season and deductions they forgot to make and, well…it all spells trouble with a capital “T” for poor old January. There\’s more.

Resolutions made January 1st are nixed after the first few days, the bills soon resemble Mount Rushmore, and in some places, so does the snow—keeping everyone stuck at home or worse, having to wade through the snow and ice to get to that job they love (tongue-in-cheek).

Good grief…no wonder everybody hates poor old January. I\’m beginning to hate it myself. No wait, I work from home, I get presents with this being my birthday month, and I\’ve got the tax man beat this year, thanks to poverty. Let\’s not forget I have plenty of milk and chocolate in case of snow plus, my Gone with the Wind video.

What\’s not to love?

Listen up peeps, after careful consideration of the facts (the ones that affect Me, Me, Me), I\’m officially renaming this glorious month to “Good old January!” Now…about those presents.