Daddy didn\’t care for TV. He used to call it the Boob Tube. Never did figure that one out. This week I found a little extra time to take in some BT and afterwards, I started thinking. I know, I know, you\’re saying to yourself, this is uncharted territory for da Queen, but I\’m here to tell you, I do give life a thought or two every now and then; seriously. Why I\’ve been known to contemplate the different meanings of life for five or ten minutes and I don\’t like to brag, but sometimes, this is all in one sitting! So given all of that, here are five questions that keep skating around in the roller rink of my mind.

1) Why is it that everywhere Jessica Fletcher (Murder She Wrote) goes someone gets whacked? Taken out? Murdered? Wouldn\’t you be a tad nervous to “hang out” with her? Personally, I don\’t want to be anywhere near that broad because someeeeebody\’s going down and this old gal ain\’t ready to go.

2) Why does the TV commercial guy who advertises cleaning products, always come on SHOUTING at us? Doesn\’t he realize that this is extremely annoying and can wake up the dead; specifically, someone who has fallen asleep on the couch. It\’s scary! He may be deaf, but thankfully I can make him “mute” too…click! “Billy, decaf is our friend.”

3) Why is it that just about every commercial for weight loss products shows the “after” picture of the women in a bikini? Do these people REALLY believe that every woman\’s weight goal dream is to wear a bikini and have their husband call them a sex-pot? Call me crazy, but how about a commercial that says, “And if you lose that extra hundred pounds you\’re carrying around, you get to LIVE!” Wuhooo!

4) Why isn\’t there a CAT Whisperer?

5) Do potential Jeopardy! contestants have to go around for months before their appearance practicing putting everything in a question form? For instance, they might say to their spouse, “What would you call the hiding place of my car keys?” Here\’s another one, “Who is responsible for this icky pot roast I\’m eating?” Or maybe sheepishly to their boss at work, “What would you call an employee who falls asleep in this morning staff meeting; and snored?”

Deep, aren\’t I? Sigh. Being a Queen carries a lot of responsibility and sometimes, this means delving into areas where no man has gone before. No, don\’t thank me. As I annoyingly tell all of my friends, I do what I can.

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