There was a time when I looked forward to Spring. The flowers, the fresh air, the refund check I would ultimately get and spend a hundred different ways before it ever reached me. Sigh—now I know what people mean when they refer to the “good old days.” I can\’t remember the last time I got a refund check. All I seem to do now is pay out the wazoo. What is a wazoo, anyway? I need to look that one up. Hm…

Someone told me that paying the IRS each year meant I make too much money. I just stared at him and calmly said, “Look at me; I\’m wearing a muumuu. Is this the dress of a rich woman?” Idiot. Then he said, “Well, now that you mention it, that does answer the question, where have all the flowers gone?” Remind me to take him off my Christmas list.

Would someone please tell me why it is that I\’m paying more and more taxes every year and yet, the cost of actually LIVING keeps going up, up, and through the roof? By the time I reach 60-years of age, (which is way, way off, by the way) I\’ll have to pitch a tent and live off berries and bugs. Okay; just the berries. Ew.

Not to get on a rant, but I\’m paying more this year for milk, bread, and eggs than last year, a whole lot more for gas (don\’t get me started) and to add insult to injury, the price of my beloved growth hormone injected beef that I used to eat has risen. I\’ve eaten so much chicken and fish here lately, I don\’t know whether to lay an egg or swim upstream and spawn; whatever spawning is. I need to look that one up. Hm…

Don\’t get me wrong; I eat well, cut my grass on one of those lawncars (I wish they came in pink) that uses the high-priced gas, and I go on vacation every year. But if things keep rising in price, what are we gonna do, girls? Stay home? Eat bouillon cubes? Give ourselves a haircut? Sorry, lost my head (no pun intended) there for a sec. No matter how high gas prices go, no matter the rising dollar amount of milk, bread or eggs—we will never give up our stylist. Am I right? I mean, after all; when we do check out, do you want your girlfriends to say as they view us for the last time, “You know, she could really use a touch up.”

So for now, I\’m going to suck it up, do the tax thing, pay THE UNCLE, and go plant some berries. They come from seed, right? Or is it trees? Bushes? I really need to look that one up. Hm…

Copyright© 2008. Queen Jaw Jaw. All rights reserved.

Georgia Richardson Author, Speaker, Southern Humorist