Now that we\’re in Engagement Season – from Thanksgiving through Valentine\’s Day –
if you\’re planning on “popping” or “answering” THE QUESTION you\’ll want to make the
most of this life changing moment.

So remember . . .

Your engagement is a time of great excitement, and all to often the burden and frustration of stress. Yet if you follow these helpful Do\’s and Don\’ts you\’ll enjoy sharing romance and joy as well as the wedding planning itself. And please pass this along to anyone who is engaged or considering it.


  • Talk about getting married before you “pop” the question. Don\’t leave that decision to total surprise. After all, it\’s about the rest of your lives.
  • Shop for the ring together, either selecting it or designing it together — or at minimum make sure your man knows what you like.
  • Consider paying for the ring together — that will help you avoid getting lost in the fantasy of Prince Charming and Princess for a Day.
  • Think about a simple engagement ring for the groom. Why should it be only the bride who wears a sign of her commitment. And the good news is that more and more men are wanting to display their status as “taken.”
  • Make your proposal a private, heartfelt event. Don\’t do splash and cash. This is an important decision and an important moment. Place it in the intimacy of the love that lives just between the two of you.
  • Discuss what would make your proposal moment most romantic — a weekend away, a private dinner out, snuggled in front of a fire or at the beach . . . After all, it\’s a life-changing moment for the both of you.
  • Wait a few days or even weeks to announce your engagement. Let your decision live within and between you before you tell everyone. Otherwise the real specialness of what you\’ve done can get lost amid the clamor of congratulations and the rush of those who will want to tell you how you should do your wedding.
  • Plan how you\’d like to announce your engagement to your parents, siblings, and friends so that you can best enjoy their support and celebration.
  • Don\’ts

  • Don\’t make getting engaged the goal. There is so much more that follows after that.
  • Never assume that because he\’s your “type” or you have great “chemistry” that that means you are meant to marry.
  • Don\’t allow yourself to be given an engagement ring that you do not like. Let your taste be known.
  • Don\’t get engaged because other people are pressuring you to get married.
  • Don\’t get engaged without knowing what you both want for your future. (See “Popping the Questions” Chapter two in our book The Smart Couple\’s Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams.)
  • Avoid an elaborate, overly-expensive public display for the proposal — it robs your special moment of tenderness and emotional intimacy.
  • Don\’t hesitate to propose to your man, either on your own or after he asks you. Getting engaged is an equal opportunity opportunity.
  • Never get stuck in a bad relationship just because you agreed to a proposal. You can break it off, give the ring back, and free yourself to continue seeking the right relationship.
  • Remember that your Engagement will bring you most joy when you honor its meaning. That you are engaged implies not just that you\’ve agreed to marry. It requires, at its deepest meaning, that the two of you participate in your wedding proceedings from an emotional base of mutuality, partnership, and committed union. So Be Engaged!
    If you are ready for a wedding guide that honors both of you, and gives you permission to design your wedding on your own terms, then Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski invite you to download two free chapters of their best-selling book The Smart Couple\’s Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams. Just go to:

    Married psychology team and best-selling authors, Drs. Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski have redefined the future of weddings. From now on brides AND grooms will be co-partners every step along the way. Be sure to read an excerpt from their new book - "The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams." Just go to