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Thursday - December 1, 2022

Associates

Leigh Anne Jashaway-Bryant Mistress of Public Humor

Leigh Anne Jasheway is a comedy writer, comedian, humorous motivational speaker and wiener dog wrangler. She is the author of 25 published humor books, including Not Guilty by Reason of Menopause and Bedtime Stories for Dogs, and has been included in more than 2 dozen anthologies. In 2003 she won the Erma Bombeck humor award for her true story on how her mammogram caught on fire. When she’s not writing or making people laugh, she’s tossing a ball 7,000 times in a row for her dogs.

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Fashion Advice I’ve Rejected

By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, Boomer Humor Associate In Medford a few weeks ago, a woman came up to me after I’d spoken at a conference and gave me a hug and a compliment. “I love your outfit,…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, Boomer Humor Associate In Medford a few weeks ago, a woman came up to me after I’d spoken at a conference and gave me a hug and a compliment. “I love your outfit, especially your shoes. You know what they say, ‘The shoes make the outfit.’” They say that, indeed, although I’m not sure why. I never remember anyone’s footwear unless it is so high and dangerous-looking that I have to keep my finger on my cell phone, ready to dial 911 in case they keel over and stab themselves on their own spiky heels. Personally, I think what makes an outfit is la…

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Why Math is An Aging Woman’s Friend

By Leigh Anne Jasheway, NABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll be 59 next month and it’s got me thinking about math. That’s right, MATH, that subject near and dear to the hearts of so many… …By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne Jasheway, NABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll be 59 next month and it’s got me thinking about math. That’s right, MATH, that subject near and dear to the hearts of so many… nerdy girls like me. My knowledge of math lets me honestly tell people I’m only 32. This statement is absolutely true when I calculate my age in base 19 instead of base 10. Using the same system, I also still weigh in at my birth weight. Booyah! Prime numbers aren’t the only way math pays off – geometry is also helpful. For example, I also know that my knees hurt if I sit like an isoscel…

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Invading My Space

By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll admit that I’m lousy at setting boundaries. Words come out of my mouth that in my mind make my desires or lack thereof clear, but w…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor I’ll admit that I’m lousy at setting boundaries. Words come out of my mouth that in my mind make my desires or lack thereof clear, but what other people seem to hear is, “What you need to do is wheedle, and manipulate, and pressure me into changing my mind.” And by other people, I mean mostly male people. Wish-washy boundaries are why I ended up married to my last ex-husband, a man who proposed to me while he was in the bathtub! He could leave a ring around the tub, but I couldn’t draw a line in the sand. How sad is th…

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I’m a Person, Not a Smudge

By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor Why are there so many creams for women over “a certain age” that have the word “blur” in them? There’s Miracle Blur, Opti-Blur, Magi…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor Why are there so many creams for women over “a certain age” that have the word “blur” in them? There’s Miracle Blur, Opti-Blur, Magic Blur, 5-Second Blur, Victoria’s Secret Blur Bra for Boobs Over 50 (okay, I made that last one up, but it’s probably on the drawing board).I don’t want to be a blur. I want to be high definition clear. That’s right, crows’ feet, soft jawline, broadening midsection, dangly boobies and all—I want those in sharp focus. I earned them and I want you to see them, dammit! It’s important th…

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Hey, Red!

By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor   "Hey, Red!" There’s something about a redhead. I may be biased, having been born red-headed and kept up the “tradition” thanks to b…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor   "Hey, Red!" There’s something about a redhead. I may be biased, having been born red-headed and kept up the “tradition” thanks to boxes of hair color with names such as Copper Penny, Awesome Auburn, and Hey, Who Started the Fire? What can I say, I love redheads. My first dog Copper was a “ginger” as we’re often called these days. (By the way, ginger is also my favorite spice.) Three of my best friends have had fiery hair and dispositions, as did my favorite high school and college teachers. I wanted to be Julie Andrews…

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In Which Leanne Explains How She Ended Up in a Field With 50 Other (Younger) Women, Muddy, Naked & (Somewhat) Unafraid

By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Boomer Humor Associate  Note: This article is republished with permission from Leigh Anne Jasheway\'s blog.  When I signed up for a nude group photo with 100 women, I…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Boomer Humor Associate  Note: This article is republished with permission from Leigh Anne Jasheway\'s blog.  When I signed up for a nude group photo with 100 women, I did so for a few reasons: the photographer is amazing; the women’s empowerment message of the shoot is something I care deeply about and at 57-1/2 years-old (yes, I count half years now), the chances of anyone asking me to pose naked would surely fall off soon. From 1 to 0, I’m thinking. I am not an exhibitionist. I’m okay with my body – I just look better with certain bits camouflag…

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For Baby Boomers Everywhere, Robin Williams Death is No Laughing Matter

By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor Note: This article is republished with permission from Leigh Anne Jasheway\'s blog. Robin Williams is gone, tragically by his own hand. Anoth…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Associate for Boomer Humor Note: This article is republished with permission from Leigh Anne Jasheway\'s blog. Robin Williams is gone, tragically by his own hand. Another brilliant soul so tortured that the only way out seemed to be the final one. As a stand-up comic and someone who teaches people to use comedy writing to create laughter from the negative thoughts and emotions that we all deal with every day, Robin’s passing (and Richard Jeni’s suicide 7 years ago) has affected me deeply. I know that comedy is an amazing life skill that allows people …

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Walk (in Shoes) Like a Man

Walk (in Shoes) Like a Man By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Boomer Humor AssociateAccording to a Home Shopping Network pitchwoman (whom I only saw accidentally when one of my dogs rolled over on the rem…Walk (in Shoes) Like…Walk (in Shoes) Like a Man By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW's Boomer Humor AssociateAccording to a Home Shopping Network pitchwoman (whom I only saw accidentally when one of my dogs rolled over on the remote and changed from the highfalutin PBS pledge drive I was watching), “Comfortable shoes are back!” Can I get a low five? Of course, the spokesperson was talking to women because most men are too smart to ever stick their tootsies in a six-inch stiletto heel with a toebox meant for a hamster’s foot, not a human’s. Given the choice between painful footwear and, say, getting their ches…

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It’s My Party, Where’s My Pony?

It’s My Party, Where’s My Pony?  By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW’s Boomer Humor ExpertThis is my birthday month. I’ll be 36. Well, I will be if I calculate my age in base 17, which I do. Tha…It’s My Party, Whe…It’s My Party, Where’s My Pony?  By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW’s Boomer Humor ExpertThis is my birthday month. I’ll be 36. Well, I will be if I calculate my age in base 17, which I do. That’s right, being a math geek pays off big as you get older! If you want, I can calculate your age for you as well. Just let me find my old slide rule. Many other “36”-year-olds want to forget they even have a birthday. They prefer to roll up in the fetal position in a closet and whimper softly as they contemplate their own mortality. That does NOT sound like the kind of party I want t…

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When I Grow Up I Want to Be Betty White

When I Grow Up I Want to Be Betty White By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert When I was a teenager I thought my grandmother was ancient. She had white hair, wore hand-knit s…When I Grow Up I Wan…When I Grow Up I Want to Be Betty White By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW’s Boomer Humor Expert When I was a teenager I thought my grandmother was ancient. She had white hair, wore hand-knit shawls, and kept a bowl of hard candy on her coffee table to distract us from the chocolate she hoarded for herself in the pockets of her apron. We never ate the hard candy because it would have taken a hammer and chisel to get a piece small enough to fit into our mouths. Besides, it was mostly covered in dust and moths. Grandma was also a germaphobe who Cloroxed everything. We kids were afraid …

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Fun with Medical Technology

By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW’s Boomer Humor ExpertI recently had to have a CAT scan because my doctor thought I might have kidney stones. Now those are two words that don’t belong together – kidn…By Leigh Anne Jashew…By Leigh Anne JashewayNABBW’s Boomer Humor ExpertI recently had to have a CAT scan because my doctor thought I might have kidney stones. Now those are two words that don’t belong together – kidney and stones. One is supposed to be inside your body and the other lying around in the yard somewhere. What’s next, liver trees? Duodenal birdbaths? I knew from watching Gray’s Anatomy and Scrubs that CAT scans don’t involve cats (a shame if you ask me; what medical procedure wouldn’t be improved if you could hold a purring feline on your lap? Or have one dig his claws into the doctor?…

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Just the Flax

Just the Flax By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert On the advice of Dr. Oz and this guy I sat next to at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I’ve started adding flax and chia see…Just the Flax By Le…Just the Flax By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert On the advice of Dr. Oz and this guy I sat next to at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I’ve started adding flax and chia seeds to everything I eat. They’re both tasty when sprinkled on cereal and baked into cookies (mmmh, cookies), but I have to say it’s hard to get the seeds to adhere to carrot sticks unless I slather them with cream cheese or peanut butter first. I’m sure that’s heart-healthy, right? Besides, as far as I know, no one’s made flax butter yet. One thing no one warned me about was that these …

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Don’t Sleep on It

Don’t Sleep on It By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert Driving back home from a trip to Portland, Oregon, I saw a full-size travel trailer painted flame red with the black silh…Don’t Sleep on It …Don’t Sleep on It By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert Driving back home from a trip to Portland, Oregon, I saw a full-size travel trailer painted flame red with the black silhouettes of three obviously young naked women on the side. In fact, they appeared to be naked and living on a planet with little or no gravity. I immediately thought that strip clubs had gone mobile. Yes, it would probably be difficult to stay on the pole as the trailer careens around curves or comes to an abrupt stop, but I’m sure men would pay extra to watch that. If you think talking on cell…

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Bouncy Bouncy

Bouncy Bouncy By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I bought a mini-trampoline this weekend. I was looking for a piece of home fitness equipment that met one specific requirement - i…Bouncy Bouncy By Le…Bouncy Bouncy By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I bought a mini-trampoline this weekend. I was looking for a piece of home fitness equipment that met one specific requirement - it had to fit into a 3-foot square area of my bedroom. All those infomercials that promise muscle toning, core-strengthening, and cardio training neglect to answer the most important question: Will the device fit in your house? Or will you have to remove a major piece of furniture such as the sofa, requiring your guests to perch along the edge of the AbFlexGlideRowArator whenever they come over f…

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Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night

Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert The fireworks stands are up now and I can’t wait… to strangle somebody. For the past week…Enough with Things T…Enough with Things That Go Boom in the Night By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert The fireworks stands are up now and I can’t wait… to strangle somebody. For the past week, we’ve had fireworks going off at the schoolyard down the street and it’s only the middle of June. If this doesn’t stop, I’m going to have to put on my bathrobe, put my hair in curlers, light a cigarette, and go scare me some young men. And you know I’m serious if I’m willing to let a cigarette touch my lips! Yes, all the other boys are blowing their fingers off too, but that…

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I’m No Cougar

I’m No Cougar By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I was innocently watching something on TV the other night when an ad for a dating site popped up. It was called OlderWomenWithou…I’m No Cougar By …I’m No Cougar By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I was innocently watching something on TV the other night when an ad for a dating site popped up. It was called OlderWomenWithoutBoundaries.com or something like that. Naturally, I had to run to the computer to check it out -- not because I am one (a cougar), mind you, but because I needed good laugh. I found there are actually several dating sites for cougars (none for pumas, panthers or housecats, however). I logged onto CougarLife.com because it said it was #1 in cougar dating; it was rated four claws. Across the top…

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I’m Pro-Aging

I\'m Pro-Aging By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert Anyone who watches any television at all must believe that most women over 30 spend 95% of their time trying to reduce the app…I\'m Pro-Aging By L…I\'m Pro-Aging By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert Anyone who watches any television at all must believe that most women over 30 spend 95% of their time trying to reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and lengthen and restore their eyelashes. If I see 20-year-olds hawking anti-aging creams or that model with the shiny eyelashes long enough to get caught in her earrings one more time, I may just have to get Botox to rid myself of the semi-permanent scowl these commercials have caused. We\'re all a little vain -- I DID comb my hair before leaving the house th…

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In Praise of Granny Panties

In Praise of Granny Panties By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I took a friend lingerie shopping recently. She\'s been married for two years now and it\'s time for her to switch…In Praise of Granny …In Praise of Granny Panties By Leigh Anne Jasheway NABBW's Boomer Humor Expert I took a friend lingerie shopping recently. She\'s been married for two years now and it\'s time for her to switch to comfortable undies. Let\'s be truthful here - if you\'re still wearing thong panties, you\'re probably still dating. I have six pairs of thongs. I use them to stake up my tomatoes in summer. In the winter, I make little hammocks for my hamsters. Eventually there comes a time in every woman\'s life when the words "Granny Panties" no longer strike fear in a her heart. This is at the point w…

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