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Tuesday - May 11, 2021
 

WHY BOTHER VISITING MOM

August 7th, 2007

A few days ago I had lunch with a friend and I was telling her about my visit the day before with my mother who has very advanced dementia and now lives in a nursing home. I was telling her how even though my mother no longer remembers who I am and that although I visit about every week or two (even though a round-trip visit takes at least a half a day) I still feel absurdly guilty that it\’s not more often. To that my friend said, “I don\’t know why you bother visiting so often anyway and I certainly don\’t know why you feel guilty – she doesn\’t even remember... Read More

PLANNING FOR “THE DAY”

July 11th, 2007

Recently a close friend confided that she and her husband were having financial difficulties. Seven months of unemployment for both of them had wiped them out financially and since they both are in their early 60s, it was devastating. But even though they had depleted all of their savings, she was optimistic that within six months they would be back on solid ground. She thought the worst was over when she got a tearful letter from her mother asking her only child for financial help. Her mother had loaned them money over the years so she couldn\’t tell her no even if she wanted to, and... Read More

SANDWICHED CELEBRATIONS

June 11th, 2007

June . . . weddings, graduations, and Father\’s Day. Days of joy for you and your family. But as a Baby Boomer woman, do you find yourself once again sandwiched between celebration and obligation? If so, perhaps it\’s time to invite others into your sandwich! When I visited my mother in the nursing home on Mother\’s Day, there were a lot of women who, like me, were visiting alone. Many of them told me that they were visiting their mothers and mothers-in-laws before going home to their own Mother\’s Day festivities with their husbands and children. There were also... Read More

FINAL 5 PITFALLS TO AVOID

May 9th, 2007

WHEN DISCUSSING THORNY TOPICS WITH YOUR AGING LOVED ONE Discussing thorny topics with your aging loved one(s) is difficult even under the best of circumstances – as many family members who have tried and failed can tell you. But since resolving issues is a lot easier before a crisis, for the past 2 months I\’ve been giving you Pitfalls to avoid if you want to be successful when you discuss thorny topics with your aging loved one. Here then are the final 5 Pitfalls. PITFALL #1) Thinking there is only 1 solution (Yours!) Some of the reasons family members may think there is only... Read More

3 MORE PITFALLS TO AVOID WHEN DISCUSSING THORNY TOPICS

April 13th, 2007

As you know from last month\’s column, talking with an aging loved one about thorny topics can be fraught with snags and pitfalls! So thorny, in fact, that many family members will either never try . . . until there\’s a crisis. Or they will try and fail and drop the subject . . . until there\’s a crisis! Since resolving issues is a lot easier before a crisis, here are three more pitfalls (plus a bonus!) to avoid so you can be successful during this prickly time. PITFALL #1) THINKING IN TERMS OF “PARENTING THE PARENT” If one of you is the parent, by inference,... Read More

TOP 5 PITFALLS TO AVOID WHEN DISCUSSING THORNY TOPICS

March 9th, 2007

Talking with aging loved ones about thorny topics can be fraught with snags and pitfalls! So thorny, in fact, that many family members either never try . . . until there\’s a crisis, or try and fail and drop the subject . . . until there\’s a crisis! Since resolving issues is a lot easier before a crisis, here are five pitfalls (plus a bonus!) to avoid, to get you successfully on your way. PITFALL #1) NOT RESPECTING THE GENERATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES The fact is that generational attitudes and emotional perspectives matter . . . a lot. But too often family members think that... Read More

WHAT\’S THE BEST THAT COULD HAPPEN

February 13th, 2007

How often have you done something that you really dreaded and heard yourself saying “that wasn\’t so bad”? On the other hand, how many times have you feared the worst about, say for example, an eldercare issue. Sure you know it\’s a problem. You see all the tell-tale signs of trouble – the car accidents (or near misses); health problems not being addressed; bills not being paid; increasing forgetfulness; inability to take care of themselves in their home. You know you should do something but because of the fear, you put off addressing the issue for weeks, months,... Read More

HELPING YOUR AGING PARENTS GET WHAT THEY TRULY WANT

January 10th, 2007

In last month\’s article we looked at an actual client situation of mine – family members who were genuinely concerned about their 93-year old mother. They wanted their mother to be safe and secure and “well taken care of” – as did their mother. Conflicts arose, however, as to how to achieve what was really in her best interest – so much conflict, in fact, that their mother had refused to speak to them. Unfortunately, this kind of impasse often happens when each “side” stakes their claim to a specific solution and are unable to conceive of other... Read More

How to Make the Holidays Better for Your Aging Loved One(s), Your Family, and You!

December 11th, 2006

I\’ve always loved the holidays – the gathering of family and friends, the traditions, the presents! But after my father died and my mother\’s dementia made it necessary for her to move into an assisted living community and then a nursing home, my holidays changed dramatically. Though initially difficult and emotional, I found that by changing my mindset (looking at it as creating new “traditions” rather than dwelling on how things “used to be”) and some advanced planning, the “new” holidays have created some good memories, too. And I felt... Read More

PERSUADING YOUR PARENTS: A 2-STEP PROCESS TO SUCCESS – Step 2

November 14th, 2006

Last month you were about to find out what your aging loved ones truly want for the third half of their lives (using the form, “What Do I Want For the 3rd ½ of My Life” that you downloaded from the Newsletter page of my website (http://www.agewiseliving.com/). The next step, then is to look at what they wrote and figure out what their responses mean. The easiest way to explain how to do this is by using an actual example. This list was written by a very healthy, spry and spirited 93-year old widow who lived alone in her own home about 50 miles from 3 of her 11 children. Everyone,... Read More