Mirror Mirror, on the Wall, Can I Still Be Sexy at All?

By Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.
NABBW’s Expert on Boomer Women Sexuality

Ever hear the expression “inside every older lady is a younger lady wondering what happened?” Guess what? You still are that younger lady, you just evolved to be more of yourself and along the way your body evolved, too. Each season of life is beautiful in its own way.

In our youth-focused culture, concerns about body image are a major libido killer after 50, especially for women (although it certainly impacts men, too). If you don\’t have a partner, you may wonder how in the world you will ever attract one, and if you do have a partner, you may wonder how sexy you can be. (“Am I too old for fishnet stockings, garter belts, and stilettos?”) Maybe your own daughter has said you need a facelift or a boob job, and you\’re wondering if she\’s right. Or maybe just a little liposuction? Should you color your hair or let it go gray? A little tummy tuck? Would a Wonderbra help? It can all be so confusing, even anxiety producing and depressing.

One of the advantages of going through all this at our age, rather than when we were teens, is that with the years, hopefully, have come more wisdom, smarts, and self-confidence to deal with the realities of life. Thinking positively can be helpful, but that alone may not be enough to help you change. Better to face facts and accept reality than to fight it and yourself.

Of course, it\’s never too late to benefit from becoming more physically active and eating good food. And if it boosts your confidence and makes you happier, you can go for some cosmetic surgery, teeth whitening, or whatever else you are moved to do. You can try a new pair of jeans with a new fangled girdle built in to deal with too much junk in the trunk. You can change your hairstyle or go for a complete makeover.

Or just try focusing on what you like about your body and yourself. Choose clothes you feel good in and create a life that highlights your best features so you can minimize what doesn\’t work for you and maybe find some joy. You can also seek inside for a deeper sense of self-confidence, acceptance, and self esteem. There really is no one right way to feel sexy as you age.

Remember, you are not alone. All of us over 50 are traveling this same path. Just like you, we are trying to cope with and adjust to our changing bodies. And just like you, we want to be desired and to know you and even date you. Before you give up on love and sex at the tender age of 59, consider this: you could be around for another 40 years so you might as well enjoy it!

Dr. Dorree Lynn, NABBW’s Boomer Women Sexuality Expert is the founder and Editor-In Chief of FiftyandFurthermore.com, a lifestyle website that is known for offering sexy, savvy and sage advice for grownups over 50. She also blogs at www.DrDorreeLynn.com and writes a column in Upbeat Senior. She is a practicing psychologist and life coach in Washington, D.C. and Florida with over 4 decades of experience.